The Ark of the Mario

My freshman year, a buddy and I decided to undertake a little mission. The quest was simple. Defeat all three Marios on the original Nintendo in one session. No warping. Every Level. Semper fi. Endeavor to persevere. Unfortunately at the time, we only had the original Mario and Mario 3. I often wonder how it all would have turned out and how different my life would be now if we could have gotten our hands on Mario 2. Man, I wish I had a time machine. Anyways, we decided to undergo the rigors of a Mario Marathon with what we had knowing that even if we tamed the beast, it would ultimately be a hollow victory. After around 8 hours of playing Mario we arose triumphant. Despite our victory, however, by my sophomore year I had grown anxious to complete a true Mario Marathon. This time my buddy and I had recruited a few other adventurous souls who committed to take the sojourn with us. That year's attempt, however, was marked by demoralizing defeat. None of us were mentally prepared to face such an epic, ungainly challenge. That and I had a paper to write and we had a date with Macaroni Grill that we somehow could not get out of. Needless to say, the boys were rowdy and fierce by junior year, aching to pickle the beast of Mario. But by some horrible stroke, we had decided to incorporate other challenges into the marathon as well, hoping that they would improve our chances of success. It would be the beginning of the end however, for junior year's run. The Mario Marathon had suddenly spiraled into a nightmarish 2-Liter, Karate Kid, Fort-Mario Marathon. We watched all three Karate Kid movies during gameplay hoping that Pat Morita would fuel our motivation. We constructed a playing fort to shelter us from the distractions of the outside world. And we each drank a 2-liter of cola to sharpen our senses. We could see the glint in each other's eyes. We came to play but good. Our fingers strained at the controller. Our eyes swelled with focus and concentration. By Mario 2 sweat was glistening from our foreheads. Unfortunately, Pat Morita beating the crap out of high-schoolers proved to be rather distracting. Building a fort set the marathon back two hours. And the 2-liters that we clutched so desperately in our calloused hands became the very thing that plagued our tummies and curtailed our marathon. Our hearts sank when we realized it was 5am and we had only just started to play Mario 3; the longest, most treacherous Mario of the series. I'm proud to say that two years of defeat has not flattened our resolve one bit. The last week of school before the Christmas break, we are attempting to finish the quest that has escaped our grasp for the past three years. And let me tell you that our experience and wisdom will not allow us to make the same mistakes we've made in the past. This time, we're constructing the fort well before we plan to raise the flag of the marathon. And we're watching all five Rocky movies to boost our morale. Sure, we're still drinking 2-liters, but we'll have baked goods to absorb the sugary poison left over in our tummies. This time we'll be ready.